Mental
by demonqueen21
Summary: Yuuri gets attacked and conrad helps him through it. although yuuri cant very much accept his help. read to find out why... dun dun DUN!
1. Chapter 1

K. Well sorry for taking this off. But I made some changes to make it better and forgive me because it was my first story. It'll take a while because I just got two kittens and I injured my arm and foot. So sorry again.

Well enough of my blabber. Enjoy! 3

Pairing: Conrad/Yuuri

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Kyo Kara Maoh and am not making any profit off of this.

WARNING: BDSM, Rape, Violence, Male/Male relationship. Do not flame me because you have been warned.

Rated: NC-17, M, R, you get the point…

Mental

I got sucked up into Shin Makoku after baseball practice. I felt the familiar feeling of being sucked in water and was glad I changed before I left the game.

I came out of a clear pond, soaking wet. I looked around and saw that I was not in the familiar

castle I usually come to but a thick forest surrounded me.

I got out of the water and sat on a log, like my mom said "If your lost somewhere wait for someone to come get you, Yuu-chan." It was getting cold and I wrapped my arms around me to keep some body heat. Why did it have to be water? Why not just a door?

Then it hit me. What if nobody knows I'm here? I started to panic. Ulrike will know, right? She has that crystal ball thing after all. I started to calm down a bit. They'll find me I just have to wait awhile. Wolfram and Gwendal will come and Conrad, too. I blushed at the thought. It's been awhile since I realized I had a crush on my knight. His chocolate brown eyes and hair, his kind eyes and warm smile, and he's always there to protect me. How could I not fall for him?

I heard a rustling sound behind me and I filled up with joy. They found me, I'm saved!

"Conrad!"

I quickly turned around expecting to see the face of my beloved but instead I saw a group of about five rugged looking men. My eyes widen when I saw the knives they were pointing at me.

"Look at that boss, we found a Double Black." The man that was holding the knife lunged at me, pinning me to a tree, knife against my throat.

"Ah! Let me go!" I yelled frantically trying to escape his grasp.

"Well then, we can make a million off of him." The man who was in charge said that.

He came closer to me until he was a foot away from me. He tilted my head toward him and said "He is cute. We shouldn't be rude to him. Treat him kindly and be sure not to break him, yet. We need to play with him before that."

I was struck with pure terror at what he said. He couldn't possibly mean…my life was ending. Conrad, Wolfram, someone save me! I don't want to be played with by these thugs.

I tried to do anything to run away from them I struggled and bit and kicked but a sharp blow to my head ended all protests I had.

I woke up some time later. It was nighttime already, or was it? I thought so at least. I was dizzy and it took me a minute to register what has happened to me.

I was in a cell with cold stone floors and walls and my hands were in chains held above my head. The moonlight shone on my face through the only window in the cell that was covered with bars. I rested there waiting to see what would happen. I realized my jacket was gone; it was ripped up on the floor in a corner. Julia's necklace was there, too.

I wondered just what they actually did to me in my sleep. I looked down to see my top three buttons were unbuttoned and I saw some purple bite marks on my neck. I also saw a bottle and a cup a few feet away from me. I wondered what it was.

I started thinking of something to calm me down. Conrad! He would save me. I was safe, perfectly fine.

Then all five of my captors surrounded my prison. The boss came in holding a knife.

"Well you're finally awake Double Black." He said in a cruel voice.

"What are you going to do to me?" My voice was shaking but I managed to glare at him, it just amused him.

"Why we are going to _play_ a fun little game with you," He was grinning.

I started shaking and you could hear the chains clacking together. I tried to hide my fear but I scooted as far away from them as the bondages would let me.

Stop shaking, stop shaking, stop shaking! I knew I had to hide my fear.

"Stay away from me." I warned them. "I have Maryoku and I'll use it!" They just laughed.

"We're not afraid of your Maryoku. We know you can't attack us. The drug we gave you seals up all your powers."

"You're lying!"

"Look at the bottle over there. That is the drug." He pointed to the bottle and cup I saw earlier.

I started to panic again. That was my ace-in-the-hole if need be, and boy does it need be.

He took a step closer and reached to caress my cheek and I automatically flinched away. My whole body was shaking. He got impatient and used the knife to cut my shirt away slashing me in the process. The wet liquid slid down from my chest and I felt sick.

He grabbed my head and rammed his lips on mine, slipping a tongue in my mouth licking everything and sucked greedily. I tried to scream but they were muffled by his kisses. His mouth went down to my collarbone and started sucking and biting leaving a large purple mark there. I was about to scream then he stood up. I almost sighed with relief, until he grabbed and slid off his pants. I gasped when I knew what was going to happen.

My world was going to end, that thing could split me in half for crying out loud! He grabbed my hair and rammed his cock into my mouth. I screamed best I could and tears sprung into my eyes. He pulled it half-way out then shoved it to the back of my throat.

"Ngh! Mmmph!" I managed to muffle.

He kept moving in and out until he was hard and let me go. My breathing was ragged from air loss. As I panted he leaned down taking one of my nipples and sucking on it hard. He took the knife and cut my arm. The blood dripped down and fell on the floor.

"Ah! Please. Stop." I begged him but instead he grabbed my length and started rubbing it getting faster each time. When I thought I couldn't take any more he did the worst possible thing. He took the knife and cut my pants off cutting my legs too, and then he shoved his erection in my tight opening.

I screamed as loud as I could. It hurt so badly and it was burning and stinging. I wouldn't be surprised if I was bleeding either. He pushed his whole length into me pulling it all out then ramming it back in each time. I didn't try to hide my fear anymore; I screamed and cried and flinched. Death would have felt better than this. Then it all stopped and I opened my eyes just to see him cum all over my chest.

I was panting so hard and I thought it was all over. Then another large thug came into the cell and said "My turn to fuck him up."

I just stared blankly at him while he stripped off his pants, then immediately shoving it into me. God, it hurt so badly.

Every push every pull felt like a knife slicing me in two; probably because they cut me too. I wanted it to stop I wanted it to end, but every one of them had their way with me and when it was over I was covered in cum and blood. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

They left and I sat there wishing for the help I knew would never come. They came the next night too, and the one after that doing the same thing over and over again, but they would always have that knife to cut my chest just to see me wither in pain and blood.

On the third night they came they kicked me in the stomach breaking a rib bone. The pain stung like hell and I was internally bleeding for sure. Then they wasted to time fucking me.

When the third guy came I was shaking, crying with my eyes held tight, and bleeding all over. Then I heard the sweetest thing I heard in weeks.

"Yuuri! Yuuri! Yuuri!" My beloved knight has come to save me. I smiled knowing that Conrad will save me.

When he came to my open cell he gasped. I was too weak to look up and see his face. I heard him yell and the clashing of metal against metal. If he kept this up all of them would die.

I gathered up all the strength I had and weakly said in a dry voice "Conrad. I'm alright. Please, don't kill them." I was looking at him in the eye now. He stared back at me and since he can't disobey a direct order he only knocked them out. He sliced off my chains I fell and Conrad caught me before I hit the floor.

"Yuuri! Are you alright? Please speak to me." Conrad pleadingly said to me.

I just whispered in his ear that I was fine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and started shaking. He took his jacket and wrapped it around my withering body and carried me bridal style.

"My necklace, in the corner." I pointed to the corner. He nodded and put the blue pendant around my neck. I smiled and fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up in a bed with bandages covering my chest. I looked around and saw the worried eyes of Conrad. When I saw him, guilt fell over me. I put on my best smiled and said "I'm alright, really."

He frowned. "Yuuri. Stay still you need to rest. You have a broken rib and cuts everywhere." His voice was filled with worry. I adverted our eyes. How could I look at, much less love, him after what happened? He wouldn't want me anyway."Ok, but can you get me a drink of water, please?," my voice was dry.

He froowned but helped me up in a way so that my injury didn't hurt, then left to get me a glass of water. I was sore all over. I remembered when Conrad came to save me. I blushed hard at the memory of him holding me close to his chest, me only in a jacket.. A knock on the door stopped my thoughts and Conrad came back with a tray holding glasses of water. He gave me a glass and put a hand against my forehead. I blushed harder.

"Heika, you are very red in the face. You might have a fever and need your rest."

I looked away. "Don't call me that Conrad. And I'm fine."

He replied "Of course, Yuuri, but you still need your rest."

I handed the glass back to him and lied back down. My side was burning but didn't say a word about it he told me to get better. I fell into a sleepless sleep.

***

I sat there watching Yuuri sleep. He looked so upset and I would do anything to take his pain away.

It was three days later that Yuuri woke up. He asked for some more water and I gave him another glass.

"Are you feeling better, Heika?" I asked him.

He looked away and said "Don't call me that Conrad. You're the one who named me after all." I frowned at him.

I knew what had happened to him, and I wanted to make him feel better but he wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I loved him but I can't tell him.

He was looking away from me and I felt so guilty. I should have been there for him, I should have stopped them sooner, and I should have had the pain and not him. He's so innocent and they corrupted him and made him feel pain, something I never want to happen again.

I'll make him feel better, but he just got worst after that.

* * *

So so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry about the first version of this story. I had some free time so I decided to make some changes. I hope I made it at least a little better…well thx for the ideas, they really helped! I'll post the next chapter later.


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the 2nd chapter of Mental. I had it written out for awhile but cuz of finals I couldn't type it up. Say "I" if you hated them. (I!) also our geography teacher added another 100q's when some other kids already took it. So unfair. Then the 100q's weren't even on stuff we learned about. BTW does anybody know the capital of Greenland? Our whole grade didn't.

Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok… so here is mental ch 2 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh and am not making any profit off of this.

Warnings: LOTS of angst and tears (fun fun fun )

Mental

Chapter 2

I looked down at the bandaged hands in my lap. It was terrible what happened to me and my life felt like it was no longer worth living. Those bastards frigging _raped_ me! The worst part is that Conrad, the only person I have ever loved, knew all about it! How could I possibly live up to that? I sunk me head lower in pure shame from living.

The only good part about this at all is that I get to be alone with him, but even that is torture because he is completely ashamed of me. He looks at me not with his warm smile and kind eyes, but with a sad fake smile and eyes that could kill those jackasses if he ever saw them again. But then again, _I_ don't even want to see him like this again. So why would they?

When I had looked up to see my savior I didn't see the love of my life; I saw a bloodthirsty killer coming to my rescue. Those fierce eyes that struck fear into my very soul. I hate that look, that glare, and those damn eyes that could be a lion's. I almost wanted to stay chained up. _**Almost**_.

But when he came over to me his face, his handsome face, was full of fear, horror, relief, anger, and what I thought was love. Yeah right, like he could ever love me. Especially after what happened back there, he's probably disgusted with me through and through. I looked up hopefully to see his loving face, but the man I saw was only a stranger, I dropped my gaze back to my injured hands for the sixth time. Right now, all I want is to be alone.

"Is there something you need, Heika?" he asked. That was the first time in a while that I haven't heard his voice, but something was different about it. It sounded like it was hoarse and strained through that fake smile of his.

"…I-Is it alright if I, uh, if I can be b-by myself? Just for a little while, please?" I said in a quavering voice. I never looked up at him. I don't deserve him; not his smile, not his eyes, and definitely not his love. I am just trash that nobody needs. There was a long pause before he answered me.

"Yes. Of course, Heika." He got up and shut the door behind me. As soon as I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore I lied down in bed. My chest was hurting and so was my injuries, but I deserved it all.

"My name is Yuuri. Call me Yuuri, Conrad. Please, call me by my name…" I silently whispered with tears dripping down my face. I blacked out shortly after that.

When I woke up I was still sore all over. I sat up and cried out. My hand automatically went to the bandages on my stomach. When I looked down it was covered with blood. _Oh my god! Its blood! What happened to my stitches!_ I thought back and remembered that my dream was a horrible flashback. Maybe I pulled the stitches out… The horrible nightmare won't just leave me alone will it?

All I need is to forget this monstrosity ever happened, but for the love of Shinou, I'm never going to get that. I heard fast footsteps and looked at the door of my room in this small cabin. It quickly opened to revel a panicked face holding a drawn sword. His panicked eyes calmed down and he put his sword away.

"What happened, Heika?" he asked, "You're bleeding! What happened to your stitched?" His eyes were looking all over me and he was taking in every single detail. I averted my gaze.

His footsteps started up again very slowly and strong arm wrapped around me. I gasped out loud.

"I'm sorry, Heika. I really am. Please Heika, don't be afraid. No matter what happens everyone will still love you. This wasn't you're fault. So please, I'm begging you, don't be afraid…" he whispered into my ear. I looked down at my bloodied hand and started crying-no, I was sobbing and I couldn't stop. Conrad pulled my head into the crook of his neck and I sobbed and sobbed until I fell asleep in his arms. He has nice, strong, warm arms. I felt truly happy right there and then. I wanted to freeze that moment right then and there. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. But that feeling didn't last long.

While I was asleep my nightmare was horrible. I woke up startled because I heard someone scream. As it turned out it was just me. Conrad burst through my door to see me sitting up strait panting. He walked over and put a hand on my shoulder but I didn't feel his warm calloused hand that I loved. What I felt was a greedy bloodied hand that wanted my body. I involuntarily flinched away from his comfort but wished I didn't because right after I did that he bowed his head and took his exit.

"I'm so sorry, Heika. Please forgive me." He said at the doorway. He silently closed the door behind him.

I looked down at my lap in shame. What was happening to me? I hated it! He hugged me and said 'love' to me and all I could think of was how I didn't deserve any of this and I even flinched away from him! *sigh* So here I am, alone in my room, thinking about the nightmare that made flinch away from the only love I have ever had.

The nightmare was dark and I was alone. I felt something grab my ankle. It was cold as ice bit then some parts were a warm wet feeling that made my stomach churn when I saw what it was. I saw a hand white was snow but it was covered in blood. My mind was making remixes of the escape that has scarred me for life.

A chill went down my spine. I tried to think about something else but the Shinou wouldn't let me. What a jerk. My thoughts kept going back to my nightmare. The bloody hand at my ankle. More bloody hands grabbing and holding me down, the sick feeling of being covered in that crimson liquid, and the searing pain that flooded my senses.

I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to barf. I lied back down in bed and took several deep breaths trying to calm myself down. Why is this happening to me? If Shori ever found out about this he would never let me out of his sight. Thinking of him made me homesick. I wanted to be back in _my_ house, in _my_ bed, eating _my_ mother's curry and I want to listen to _my_ brother rant about me being a girl and not a boy. And here I am, injured with the man I love whom I can't even look at anymore. More self-pity for the _Demon King_ himself.

How sad is that? It felt like a silver bullet was shot right through my heart and broke it into tiny pieces: wanting home, wanting Conrad, wanting to forget, wanting comfort, not distressing anyone about my problems, not deserving anything, et cetera. My head was hurting, my heart was hurting, and I was really tired. I lied down in my bed and closed my eyes. But I never got any sleep. I was filled with thoughts of desperation, sadness, confusion, and of course, fear.

I was scared of my captors, of my dreams, and of my love. My one and only love…

Haha! Sry it kinda short ;) I put a lot of angst in it because of personal things that were going on at the time of writing. So I changed it up from my original draft. Hope you liked it 3

Please R&R


	3. Remembering what?

HI fathful readers of MENTAL! This is the 3rd chapter n my buddy yagamia hu read it b4 yallz said it was good. So lets c if u pplz agreez. Also just it seems like the only time when I write now a days is when my heart gets broken so this chapter is very angsty for obvious reasons

Disclaimer: I do not own KKM for if I do… lets just be glad that I don't

Warning: ANGST, pain, vile thoughts, and slight forgetfulness

Pairing: CONYUU FTW!

Rating: this is actually like K+.5~ but since they don't have that imam b going with T just to b safe

I was scared. I was showing it. I was alone. I wanted Conrad but I could never have him. He could never want me. I am all alone and I can't do a thing about it. I'm no bigger than a microscopic speck in the whole world right now and I'm getting smaller every day.

I was in so much pain. I wanted to call out for help but it would do me no good. Conrad would hear but not understand. He would listen but I would not talk. I know that he would not be able to help me.

This is all a silent plea that only he would heat. Only he can hear my silent screams for comfort. Yet he will not come to my aid. For he knows that if he does it will just cause more pain.

How I wish that I could go back to when I was in his arms. Even though I was sobbing I was happy. His arms felt like a candle's flames. Warm, soft, happy and could flare up if anything disturbed it. It was all so morose.

I wanted him so badly except it is because of me that he won't even try to touch me. I will never again feel his smooth fingers gliding down my cheek as a caress. His smile will never again be the same when it is directed at me nor shall it be real. Just a fake disguise to mask his true expressions of disgust and shame.

I will forever and always be a kid that he will just refer to as "platonic." After all, why would he ever be interested in a child as stupid and troublemaking as me? There is no reason, there never was and there never will be. I have to face facts. He's way out of my league and he is straight. Now I'm a homosexual pervert along with a pitiful loser.

I can not take this anymore. I am in so much confusion and stress. I slowly lie back down as to not jurt myself more than I already have. As I am falling asleep I start to think about my own fantasy world where Conrad will love me and the accident never happened. This utopia brought tears into my eyes. The last thought I had was "_why as I crying? I already know that this is a fantasy. I can only dream. But still…" _ I close my eyes tight, "_I wish it were real." _

When I woke up Conrad was in my room. His tall lean figure stood high above the little bed in the cabin room. The sun was shining through the one huge window on the wall behind him.

As I watched my shining savior pour me some water my vision started getting spotty. Wait…spots? I'm seeing spots everywhere. I started to panic.

Conrad turned around and saw me making a fuss. His shoulders were taut and ready to spring into action.

He walked over to me and put a hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature. I felt his warm hand against my shivering flesh. I involuntarily slapped his hand away. Why?

"Heika. What seems to be the problem?" he asked monotonously.

I gulped and forced myself to stop shivering and sit up. I barely whispered my reply.

"I'm seeing spots. I think…it's all spotted." He sighed.

"Heika, that's a normal side effect of a concussion."

"Concussion? Y-You mean I have a concussion?"

"Yes, you do," he replied.

I liked up at his sad hazel eyes that bore a hole through my heart.

"What else is going to happen to me?"

"You may experience some headaches, vision blurs, nausea and…" he got quiet all of a sudden, "And? Wh…" my breathing started getting ragged, "What else is going to happen. Tell me." I was panicking now, "Tell me! Conrad tell me!"

"Heika, you might be experiencing-" I blacked out before he could finish.

I woke up in the middle of the night tired as hell and had another headache. I looked around the room and saw nobody. What did catch my eye was a glass of water on the table next to my bed. I was so thirsty.

So the instant I sat up I felt so sick to my stomach and dizzy. I quickly bent over and put m head in my hands. Bad idea.

As it turns out I can only move in slow movements or I end up on the floor withering in pain. I heard a loud smash. That was me hitting the floor.

I tried to scream out but nothing came out. I couldn't even curl up in a ball because it hurt too much to think about moving much less actually doing it.

Conrad came into the room. At least I think it was him. I can't remember. Wait, I can't remember? A blanket fell upon me and I was lifted back into bed. I think I fought back when I was lifted. I'm not sure.

Either way morning came and so did Conrad. I noticed his cheek was swollen.

"Ohmigosh! Conrad, what happened to a cheek?" Did I do that? I don't know but I sat up.

"This is nothing Heika. Please don't worry about me." He smiled at me. Not that just got me mad.

"Whaddaya mean nuttin' happened! Did I do that to ya? Damn it Conrad! Why the hell can't I worry! Doncha think that imam find out one way or the other! Gimme a break!"

I was shouting at a wide eyed soldier, "Why the hell can't I worry anyway! Cantcha just lemme do something for once! I wanna make sure your happy but you won't tell meh anything!" tears were brimming and they threatened to overflow. I wiped them away with the sleeve of my night shirt.

I hated this, I hated this, I hated this! Why am I making such a fuss? I didn't really care. I was use to the mask that hid his real emotions and I never got mad before.

"I-I'm…Your Majesty. Please forgive my impudence. I did not mean to upset Heika." He morosely said and I'm guessing that he had a shocked expression because he never stutters unless he really gets surprised.

"Damn it Conrad…" I start crying and sniffling, "Just shut up. I don't wanna hear your lies…Just, ju-just…" I took some deep breaths hoping that I would stop crying, "Just tell me the truth." I was staring at him. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"…Please forgi-"

"Not till you stop lying to meh and tell me the damn it truth!"

"Hai, Heika. You called for me in the middle of the night to tell what was going to be the side effects."

"But you never finished telling,"

"That was before when you passed out. This was when you woke up."

"I don't remember any of that." I woke up again? I couldn't've.

"That is because the rest of the side effects are confusion, slurred speech, which is that you have been doing all throughout our conversation, irritability, nausea, among other things."

"But that still doesn't explain why I don't remember any a dis!" I said impatiently.

"One of the multiple side effects is…is… It's amnesia."

I went wide eyed and a million thought were crossing my mind and they went by faster than I could have comprehended. Who do I not remember? These feelings that I have for Conrad, how do I know that I don't already have a girlfriend? No, I couldn't have one. Do I remember my mom? My dad is the Makoku right? I really do have Shori waiting for me at home right? No. No. No. Please not me. Not me. My whole body started shaking and convulsing.

"Heika! Please calm down." Conrad said but did not move from his position.

I was scared. I was showing it. I wanted Conrad but I could never have him. Even if I told him that I wanted him to comfort me he wouldn't. if he did then I would probably just freak out again.

"Help me Conrad." my voice was quivering and I wanted him to do something. I looked down at my hands in my lap. They were still bandaged but stopped bleeding.

Conrad took the blanket and draped it around my shoulders. He held it together at the front and was kneeling in front of me forcing me to make eye contact. Not that I didn't want to stare at his calm eyes or anything.

"It's all right Heika. Do you remember your name?"

"Yuuri Shibuya. I have a human mom and a Makoku brother-Father! Father I mean. Um, I have a brother though. He's in college."

"Very good. Now do you know where you are?"

"A cabin?" it seemed like an obvious question.

"All right. Do you know what country you're in?" he slowly said the words to make sure I got them all.

I thought about that for awhile. I know it isn't Japan but I couldn't remember where. I started shaking again.

"I don't know. It's not Japan, but I can't remember where it actually is."

"That's OK. It's all right. Then does the name Wolfram ring a bell?"

"Wolfram? Uh, no. I can't remember him. Or her. Him?" I was starting to hyperventilate.

"Calm down Heika, calm down. It's fine, don't worry. Just take a few deep breaths." I did just so. His hands were still holding the blanket together and I gave a faint smile that that.

"Are you ready? All right then. Do you remember Günter, Gwendal, Cheri, Greta, Annisana, or Murata?" Murata? Murata? I've heard that somewhere.

"Um, I recognize Murata. I don't know where though…"

"But you have heard his name before?"

"Yeah,"

"Well here everybody usually calls him Geika," Conrad explained to me.

"Geika? But why? Why do you call meh Heika also?" I was so confused.

"You don't remember? What do you think you are?" he asked

"A high school student who loves baseball. Oh, but this is probably fake. I uh, when I get upset I suddenly have magic powers and I fight for justice. Haha. I have a real imagination don't I Conrad?"

"That's all real Heika. The reason that you have that magic is because you are the Demon King. You dad is a Makoku and I am half. Just like you. But you are our leader and we obey Heika because unlike past Maohs you want to live peacefully with the humans. You have stopped many wars and have created alliances with almost all of the human countries. You are the greatest Maoh that we have had," he was smiling at me.

"I-I have don't all of that? No way…" I breathed out in disbelief.

"It's all true," Conrad said, "I think that's enough for one night." he stood up. "Is there anything else that you would like?"

_A hug. A kiss. For you to tell me that you love me. _ I thought but did not dare to utter.

"I think that I'm alright. Thank you so much Conrad." I smiled at him

"As you with Heika."

"Can you call me Yuuri? I don't really like 'Heika'" I said.

"Of course, Yuuri." He said docilely. He then turned around and took his leave.

YAY! 3rd chapter is finished!

Ok I started typing this at 12am and I just finished at 1:42am so PLEASE tell me if I have any grammar mistakes. I rly appreciate it along with any reviews or challenges

Also for any 1 curious bout my being dumped I liked this guy 1 grade older than me and when I had my friend find out if he liked me the dude that I liked said "Ew no way" sooooo….. ya

but what can you do? WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER OF MENTAL!

So that's what I did ;)

I hoped u liked

Plz R&R


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